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Monday, October 20, 2014

If at first you don't succeed...

We went to the pumpkin patch...a different one.  I took pictures and feel like less of a mommy failure.  I won't annoy you with the details, just enjoy the photo dump. 






I also worked on Eyan's costume.  People it is epic...I cannot wait to reveal it!  





Thursday, October 16, 2014

Pregnancy & Infant Awareness Month

This month is near and dear to my heart.  This is the month that I lost my first baby.  Today is actually the day that Jason and I found out that the baby we were so hopeful for, was not going to make it.  I was about 7 weeks along.  I had not realized that I was actually pregnant for about 6 weeks but I knew my date exactly.  We had told tons of family and friends about this and were elated! Jason's mom had just gotten the terminal diagnosis and cried when we told her and said that she was going to hold on to see that baby.  A week later it ended, and I thought I would never make it through.  It was one of the final blows to our life after Jason's terrible accident, subsequent loss of job, Cheryl's terminal diagnosis and other awful circumstances.  I remember crying for days, and not leaving my bed.  I remember how empty I felt and how I had somehow let everyone down.  I remember the amazing words from people who had also suffered loss, and the not so nice words from those who had no idea.  Statements like "it probably had a genetic defect" or "it wasn't meant to be" were just not helpful, and made me feel more angry and sad.  It took until Eyan was safe in my arms for some of that hurt to subside, but still not a day goes by that I do not think about baby #1.

Eyan was a distraction and wonderful and amazing and everything I could imagine.  I am SO thankful that God placed that boy into our lives and our family.  I wouldn't change the course of events leading up to him.  We tried for number 2 (technically number 3) and then just stopped trying. Then got pregnant...at a pretty inopportune time in our lives.  It didn't mean we didn't want the baby, we WANTED that baby!  Excitement was high, symptoms were crazy, I was uneasy.  It is like I knew something wasn't right.  By mid-December I had some spotting and an ultrasound that confirmed my fears.  Baby #3 was not viable...although it had a heartbeat, the heartbeat was too low and I would miscarry in a couple weeks.  7 weeks later through more symptoms, the baby's heart finally stopped and on my sisters birthday I went into labor and delivered that tiny baby at home.  It was heartbreaking.  I spent the entire day in bed, empty, sad, unable to even talk to Jason.  Losing a baby felt so lonely...even the second time around.  Even with the amazing support system.  Even with "already having a healthy baby."  I was NOT quiet about this loss.  I chronicled it right here on this blog.  I questioned a lot of things after this second loss.  We almost didn't try for Emberlynn.  We couldn't handle losing another angel.  Emberlynn's pregnancy, delivery and life helped the healing, but never replaced either of my angels and neither of my children ever will.  I mourn those loses consistently and it makes me more appreciative of my sweet babies here on Earth.  I am lucky, I survived these losses, I am not just a statistic, I am a person, a REAL person and what I have learned is that when you talk about this, more people reach out to you that have gone through this horrible loss secretly.  It helps to have that support, to not feel so lonely, to realize that even though you feel empty and awful, that you will survive this.

Give Pregnancy Loss & Infant Loss a voice, speak up, share your story, support your brothers & sisters that are dealing and will deal with such a tough time.


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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Y3W: Daddy Weekend Snuggles

LOVE these three


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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

#DIY Lace Boot Socks

So I have been really working on creating my style, my 30 something adult style with those key pieces that I just love but feel comfortable and confident in.  I have particularly been focusing on accessorizing.  I fell in love with the lace leg warmers that I had been seeing all over Etsy, but the price was ridiculous ($25.00 for a cheap pair)!  So I set out to make some lace boot socks on a budget...and I think I succeeded!

Lace Boot Socks

I succeeded for a total of $3.00.  Yes THREE DOLLARS folks.  I ran to Walmart, grabbed a $1.67 pair of knee high socks and then over to the craft dept for a roll of lace ($1.00 on clearance)!  I headed home and knocked these adorable socks out in about 15 minutes. 

Supplies: 
  • Knee High Socks
  • Roll of lace
  • Scissors
  • Sewing Machine
  • Pins
  • Large mouth cup
Steps:
  1. Gather your supplies
  2. Place a sock on and then measure the lace ribbon around the top of the sock.  Overlap 1 extra inch for just in case!
  3. Take off the sock and then place it on the large mouth cup.
  4. Start pinning the ribbon to the top of the sock.  As you do this, allow the ribbon to bunch up.
  5. Once the ribbon is pinned, remove it from the cup
  6. The most difficult part was stretching the sock out as I was trying to sew the ribbon on.  It is very important that you stretch the top of the sock out as far as you can as you sew the ribbon down so that it will fit all the way up your leg (particularly if you are not using elastic thread...which I totally didn't).
  7. Repeat for sock 2
  8. Rock these adorable socks and do it knowing how much cash you just saved.

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Monday, October 13, 2014

My lame attempt at the pumpkin patch.

I'm such a Debbie downer when my hubby can't come to family outings.  It's tough sometimes to single mom these kids around and I'm damn lucky my friends and family are there to support the heck out of us, as well as having some pretty decently behaved children.

Last Sunday I was bummed Jason had work and we were going to a pumpkin patch with my friends. We were running late, I neglected to get an adequate breakfast for myself or the kids, I dressed us in full winter wear and forgot the stroller and lunches.  

It ended up being 70 degrees, the baby was a disaster and Eyan was whiney...and so was I.  The hangrys were setting in and well, it was rough and my friends were tolerating me.  Thank God they like me and those kids of mine. 

I sucked on the photo front but managed a few. 

























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