Naturally I cried a bit, because my little baby is almost 1! ONE! Like how did that year just fly by? Sometimes I am so thankful she is the tiniest 1 year old ever, but seriously it feels like I just had her and I cannot believe that next week we will be celebrating her first birthday with tons of awesome friends and family!
But then I got over the whole "my baby is still a baby but just a one year old and I am losing my damn mind" moment. I quickly realized it was time to really get some planning going. Truthfully these are all still ideas. I have her outfit planned, I have her 1 year photo outfits (which OMG! You all might die of cuteness!) and I have her cake ordered but otherwise, I have jack crap ready for her party. Looks like this weekend is going to be quite a busy weekend.
So as you can see we are doing an elephant theme (of course) and it is purples and greys and greens (naturally). I created a board on Pinterest and here are some of my favorites (that I think I can pull off) below:
1. The hat...OMG I am making this hat, I have no clue how, or what I will use but her cake smash photos will include this hat!
2. The ombre cake! I still have yet to decide what I am doing for the 100 other people at her party, but for her, this is what I ordered.
3. This banner is happening! I have a Cricut, I have this ability, this will happen.
4. The bow. In addition to the hat my poor overdressed, extremely volatile child will probably be sporting this bow...maybe on top of the damn hat.
5. The marshmallow peanuts. Cute little snack favor...no idea where to get these.
I have more ideas, no time and about 40 pages of Emberlynn's scrapbook to finish before Thursday. So well with the way life has been going if the hat gets done and people get fed, life will be fantastic and regardless my baby will be ONE...and still a baby!
I know people. I know I said I was going to get things back to normal. I know that I have a heaping pile of reviews and giveaways and birthday party details and kid updates to share. I. Just. Can't.
My mind is a mess. I go from being completely ok, to an incredible mess of a person with no focus and complete anger and irrational decision making happening. I have no clue how to pull myself together. Just when I think I am ok, I look at my kids beautiful eyes and lose it. I cannot fathom losing them, I am afraid of missing moments. I have no clue how to get pass this.
Grandma was older, she had lived a life and she was sick. Her death is hard for me.
My friend was 25, the father of 1.5 (baby on the way) and was completely healthy. His death is devastating me...and everyone I hold dear.
There is nothing but sadness in my loved ones eyes, and I just can't get pass that.
I am at work missing moments with my children, and I just can't get pass that.
I cannot focus, I almost don't care (aside from the fact that deep down I really do care), I have no clue how to do anything without appreciating everything.
I know my friend and his family are struggling harder than I am. However, my sister made mention one time that "everyone has a different relationship with the same person and therefore we grieve different loses differently."
I know I will get back to it, I know I will create a new normal. I just hate that I even have to. I hate that my friend will never get that chance and I hate that I am missing moments.
As of late, my poor little blog has been SO SERIOUS. But life is serious. Life is precious. Life is a gift and in life there is only 1 guarantee. You are guaranteed to die and with death comes pain and questions and heart ache.
However, my blog is one of my happy places. So today I choose to share with you things that make me happy.
Obviously my children. They really are my first thought in the morning and my last before I fall asleep. They are on my mind all day and the amount of love I have for them is insane.
All fancy for great-grammies funeral
My hubby. Gah I love this man! Most days he loves me too (God knows I am a tough, bossy, overly OCD kinda person). You know who he loves more though which just makes me adore and love him more. Them.
My family. We are close. We fight hard. We love harder. They are my rock and even though we are tore apart by our recent losses, we are there for each other regardless.