Thursday Thoughts: Broken Spirit |We Got the FUNK

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Thursday Thoughts: Broken Spirit

Wow what a reflective and busy spring break I have had.  I only have 4 more days left and I am SO not ready to go back yet, but summer break is a few weeks away and I am lucky to have that time off every year!

So what's going on?

1.  I so should not have watched the 19 Kids & Counting episode about Michelle Duggers miscarriage.  I cried and it just upset me because I understand how she felt.  In an odd sort of way I agreed with all of her religious feelings when typically I think that is where they are a bit overboard.  Boy do I feel for her and geeze the type of emotions and depression it drug up.  Stupid me watching TV.

2.  We are about to lose yet another amazing person in Jason's family.  CAN WE GET A BREAK FROM DEATH?!?!?!?!  Uncle Bobby is within weeks of his passing from bone cancer and it is awful watching his family being torn apart and hurt yet again.  Grandma and Grandpa will bury 3 of their 6 children before them and you can see that is wearing on them.  I love his family so much and I just wish I could make this stop.  I wish I could hold Jason's cousin Shelli and fix uncle Bobby and bring back everyone to complete us all again.  I just don't get all this death.

3. If one more person complains about being pregnant in front of me I might lose it.  Maybe I should stop reading FB or maybe I should not listen to random people in stores complaining to their husbands about how uncomfortable they are in the baby isle of which I still have to shop for diapers because my monster is not feeling the potty training thing.  I wish I was uncomfortable, I wish I was fat and couldn't breath because that baby takes up all my room, I wish for more stretch marks and braxton hicks contractions and above all I wish for a healthy happy pregnancy and baby.

I am surrounded by pregnant people or newborn babies.  No that is literal, 3 of my neighbors in the houses literally surrounding mine have had a baby or are having a baby within a month.  I logged onto FB the other day and on my feed were FOUR pictures of babies born that day to friends of mine!  I am so JEALOUS and I am trying so hard to calm that green eyed monster.  It is weird because I am SO happy for everyone and their growing families, but at the same time I am so angry that I will not get that experience.  As of now it is looking unlikely that we will have more kids.  I have been waiting on test results to figure out why my body still is out of whack.  I was told I might need to go have a D&C anyway and that if they cannot fix it there will be no more children.  I am holding out hope but my frustration is high.

Those are my thoughts...what are yours?