Really Emotions...Really |We Got the FUNK

Friday, September 14, 2012

Really Emotions...Really

So I am just struggling with an issue that I have had for years.  It is an issue that really shouldn't bother me and I know will upset some people.  It is not directed at any one person and is centered around ME, not any of my family that would like to take this personally.

I have abandonment issues.

Yup, for someone who had an incredible, loving and fantastic childhood, I have struggled with this issue.  Not because of my parents who are amazing and have only ever shown me love.  It is because of a situation that took place due to my parents and my birth.  I'm not going to sit here and explain what this situation is, because in the long run it just doesn't matter.  Fences were mended and things are a ton better, however, the little girl inside me cannot get away from the issue of abandonment it caused.

Over the last several years I have lost A TON of loved ones.  It makes me feel abandoned.  With the advances in technology I don't talk to my friends and family as much in person or on the phone and it makes me feel abandoned.

What really gets me is that I do my best to make the effort.  I make calls, text, Facebook "like" things or comment and try to go to as many gatherings as possible.  I get hurt when there is little to no response, and add that to the emotions and hormones I am dealing with now it just intensifies this whole abandonment issue.

What hurts worse is when family is "ignoring" me, because that is the root of this whole issue I have.  I get that everyone is busy and that people are always going through rough times, but still I struggle with this.  My husbands family is SO close, they constantly call and text and check in and so it is almost like I expect that from my family.  I don't know why I would though as it has never been like that in the past.  My cousins and I used to be close but then we grew up and apart.  I typically do not consistently see my aunts and uncles especially with some of them living out of state.  But for some reason right now, I just need my family, I need to just hang out and talk about ANYTHING.  I don't even need to talk baby, just have conversations about life and check in and support everyone.

So its probably not that I am being ignored and I know I am not being abandoned, I just am dealing with emotions and am hoping that people reading this have some sort of advice of how to just let go and let God.


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