Trying to make sense of this world |We Got the FUNK

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Trying to make sense of this world

So I'm terrified of my job.  Colorado teacher...in a state with more school shootings then I even want to consider, and kids with no moral compass.  

The last two days I have found myself extremely judgemental of many of my students, students who are not my own and anyone in our building who is just visiting.  I'm terrified that something will happen in my school (and any others' for that matter).  I am 2 doors away from a main entrance into our building.  I am on edge, more observant, protective, reading into every.single.body language movement of everyone around me.  I'm nervous, it's almost like I am anticipating the 'when' of a terrible event like that occurs at our building.  You could say my OCD is at a relative high point. 

Winter break cannot come soon enough, not just because my students are squirrelly, but because I need time to regroup, refocus, reenergize and reinforce my reasons for being a teacher instead of a SAHM.  It is especially hard to convince myself to stay in education when events like school shootings happen.  They tear me apart emotionally. I know that my whole purpose on this Earth is to teach children.  Most of the time I try to teach science, but the majority of my lessons are ones of life, laughter and the occasional gross fun fact!

You know I made a comment to my husband a few days ago, I wondered how on Earth my job has became more dangerous then his (works in a prison).  Just saying that, made me sick, and my husband carries a gun, wears a bullet proof vest and is dealing with serial killers, rapests and the worst society has to offer.  I wouldn't mind my own bullet proof vest...after all I seem to work in a more dangerous environment.  How crazy is that?!?  A prison is safer then a school.  

I don't know what to do, how to react, how to fix the problem, but becoming a SAHM is starting to become very appealing.