We Got the FUNK: August 2013

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Two!

There is officially 2 little teeth through, but just barely.  Of course Emberlynn will not let me get a picture but she reminds me that they are there by biting me constantly.

Teething is exhausting


Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Overwhelmed

I rarely get so frustrated that I cry.  Normally I can prioritize and organize and conquer my to do lists like a champ.  Lately though, I cannot find my groove.  I can't figure out how to balance my class load with my planning time, pumping time, student time or other teaching responsibilities.  I'm a mess.  I'm not nearly as organized as I like to be...I feel like I'm failing and right now I'm beyond overwhelmed.  

To do my job I MUST have a functioning computer...and that is a hit or miss (hence the tears).  Mine is possessed, must be restarted 2098754 times a day, periodically the keyboard takes a dump and God forbid I need to run two programs at once.  I lost it, I actually got so frustrated that I started crying over the fact I could not complete my job the way that I would like to, because of this stupid computer! 

Needless to say, as much as I would just love to write and brag and reminisce about my life on this blog, it's just not going to happen that frequently.  I'm not quitting, I'm just trying to find my new normal...which apparently will be taking more then the initial week that I thought.  I'm going to try my best to write at least two posts per week until I find my groove, but no promises.  Sorry to all my loyal readers.  Damn work is kicking my butt...oh and then there's these two. 


Monday, August 26, 2013

Tooth

I can feel a sharp little sucker in the front on the bottom right.  It seems to be broken through, but no picture as of yet.  

Stay tuned...

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Whoa

No joke, this school year is kicking my butt.  I know it's going to be awesome, but damn I do not have a free moment.  I'm literally moving constantly.  Between teaching my classes, collaborating with my team, eating lunch and pumping I am SO exhausted.  

Sorry the blog is quiet.  Not much to post as work is a busy blur and the adorable kids and I adjusting to this new schedule.

So here are some cute smiles


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Saturday, August 17, 2013

When Birth Plans Go Out the Window

Recently a friend of mine delivered a handsome, healthy baby boy.  His delivery was rough, my friend wanted a completely natural and drug free birth.  My friend is a very petite girl and her husband is a tall big man.  The baby was estimated at 8lbs at 36 weeks.  She ended up with a csection.  When she told me, it was simple with a sad smiley face.  I empathized so much with her.  I knew exactly the emotions and anger she was encountering.

Csections, Birth Plans, Preparing for Csection

Most expecting parents have a pretty good plan of how they would like their births to go.  We all come up with some sort of plan.  With Eyan I wanted All.The.Drugs and was hoping I would go to term and go into labor naturally to avoid an induction.  I did not want a csection or episiotomy.

Obviously my entire birth plan went out the window when complications of eclampsia arose.  To say that Eyan's delivery was traumatic would be an understatement.  I ended with an induction, episiotomy and an emergency c-section which still upsets the heck out of me.  I have birth trauma with that little boy.  I remember feeling angry at my body for failing me.  I remember questioning if I "could" have really gotten him out.  The disappointment, guilt and lack of worth as a mother were not exactly a great way to kick off this parenting business.


Can you believe that one little plan caused me to feel worthless?  I had built up that day for so long and when it didn't go remotely close to plan, my self-esteem, and confidence went out the window.  I lost control (and giving up control is not something I deal well with).  Even as I beat the odds with nursing a NICU baby and even as I snuggled that newborn I had longed for, that worthlessness was still lingering.

I was not strong enough to do what my body should have done and I failed.  I.Never.Fail.  I am a planner, I am a control freak and failing does not happen.  That was a hard pill to swallow.  I wanted to delivery my baby.  I wanted to remember his first cry.  I wanted to be the first to hold him.  A lot of damn "I's" there.

The entire pregnancy, it was about me and my plans and my baby.  Of course I was concerned for the baby and knew that if things went wrong, the doctors could do whatever they needed to do to get him out safely, but in reality I did not think anything like that would happen.

Overtime I realized a lot of things:
1. Eyan came into this world in true Eyan fashion; bold, dangerous and surprising us all.  His birth was not how I had planned, but it was exactly how it was supposed to be. 
2. I will never be in control again when it comes to parenting.  I sure can pretend and try, but life happens and control is something I have to learn to let go of.
3. I DID deliver that baby.  If it was not for my body being his safe haven for 9 months, he would not be here.  I may not have pushed him out, but my body went through just as much pain, love and effort to get him here as any other woman.  My body did NOT fail, I did NOT fail and I have a healthy 3 year old boy to prove that.
4. There is no reason to compare my birth experience with anyone.  Whether you deliver your baby vaginally or via csection is insignificant.  When that baby is there, people do not care how he got here.  They care that mom and baby are healthy and safe. 
5. "Could" I have gotten Eyan out??  Who cares!  I look back now, two c-sections out and am thankful for modern medicine.  I am thankful that I get to contemplate the "would have's and could have's."  50 years ago, Eyan and I would have probably died during childbirth.  Women still die during childbirth and I almost did.  So who cares, we lived, we survived and there was finally a "WE!"
6. I have a baby.  I should respect that statement with my history.  I have a baby.  I am blessed.  Who the hell cares how he got into the world, at least he is here and he is mine.  So many long for that, and focusing my energy on my own insignificant insecurities is just stupid.  I needed to appreciate my blessing.
7. 3 years and 2 babies out I would not trade my csections for vaginal births.  Yeah the recovery isn't as fast, yeah I have a huge (bad ass) scar, and yeah it was major surgery.  However, labor sucks.  No seriously, it sucks and I got to go through labor with Eyan without the pain meds actually functioning.  I do not need that pain to make me feel like a good mother.  I AM A GREAT MOM!  

Birth plans are just our hopes of what will happen, based on what is average for the masses typically.  In reality, things rarely go as planned and most times, in the aftermath, we realize that things happened just the way they were supposed to.  We will soon find that nothing with children will usually follows a plan.  That is what makes life interesting, that is what makes LIFE. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

So I'm 29 now...

Today is my birthday and the outpouring of love and well wishes is always welcome!  I love birthdays!  I love celebrating life...even if it means we're getting older.  Who cares about age, we get to live, to learn, to struggle, to be awesome! 

I am so blessed! Blessed with a great family. A hubby that adores me and kids that couldn't be more perfect.  I have a fantastic job that I love and great co-workers.  My hubby has a great job too.  We have, food and shelter and clothes; the necessities.  I am blessed.  I am honored to live the life we have built and am eager to continue to grow older, love stronger and live passionately! 

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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I wish we could go camping...

...but a day trip up the mountains and 4-wheeling should quell that need for a bit!

Jason and I bought a 27' travel trailer off Craigslist back in December, thinking we got a great deal.  Boy were we completely wrong.  Instead we got a fire damaged, stinky, electrical nightmare that needs some serious TLC and is clearly not ready for camping anytime soon.  So when my family decided to go camping this weekend, Jason and I had to sadly decline.  However, we still wanted to have some mountain fun...and we did!  

We got a bit lost heading up to the trails to meet everyone, but after we made it, we unloaded the ATV and rode off and on for 7 hours!  Eyan was probably on the ATV 5 of those hours.  That boy loves 4-wheeling.  Of course it rained, so the babies and I hung out in the trailer playing and sleeping, while the hubby learned why not to drink whiskey with my dad and his friends.  I in turn got to drive us the 1.5 hour home in the dark down the mountain, with two sleeping babies and 1 very talkative, not so sober husband.  Oh the memories!

Heading up the mountain

My adorable muddy boy fresh off the ATV trails and just FILTHY.

Emberlynn just chillaxin

Me and my babies waiting out the rain

Auntie and Ember Snuggling


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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Lakeside

We did our annual family day trip to our local 100 year old (slightly ghetto and dangerous) amusement park, because my grandpa loves the nostalgia of it and spoiling his family.  Can't complain, we had a great time!  Lakeside opened in 1908 and still serves a large population of Coloradans.  Last week we met up with my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents for some fun.  Eyan rode almost every kiddie ride and enjoyed some big kid rides too!

He loves these darn cars
Oh! An airplane with a fake gun!
Horse and chariot ride
Oh and mom and dad rode a few too.  We took on the Cyclone wooden roller coaster and lived to talk about it.  No joke this this is hand braked and when the ride is going all the operators are watching it very intently.  We sat in the very back car, crunched in and smashing hips on all the twists and bumps. I may have thought we were going to die...but we survived!
After the ride, don't we look happy...


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5 months!


No weight or height checks this month, but I'm betting she is 13lbs and the same height (24")!  She is just slightly bigger than my almost 2 month old cousin (by less than a lb) and is still comfortable wearing 0-3 month clothes with some newborn items mixed in.  She is going to be in size 1 diapers forever at this rate, but hey, the smaller the size, the more diapers in a box!  She is really learning to grasp objects and starting to be a little more self entertained, but prefers to be held and played with 24 hrs a day!  She LOVES Eyan and if no one can calm her, he sure can.  She watches him and only does the belly laughs for him (and of course when I'm out of the room and can only hear and not see)!

Overall, as she is learning to control her own body, she is chilling out a bit.  The carseat is still a struggle, but not near as bad as it was a few weeks ago.  She is still waking 2-3 times a night.  I tried transitioning her to her crib in her room, but with her waking so much, this mama was too tired to fight this battle. So she is still sleeping in the rock n play next to our bed.  

She is trying so hard to grab the food out of our hands and wants to eat so bad.  One more month until we can start some solids.  I'm going to try to make my own baby food too...we'll see how that goes!  She has had some very watered down apple juice (thanks constipation) and licked an actual apple and loved that, so I'm very eager for her to start eating solids.

She is a babbling, drooling, wanting to sit and stand and do everything she is just not big enough for yet, little baby.  She loves her feet and her smile just melts my soul.  I am so incredibly happy, and love dressing her up and showing her and Eyan off!  Happy 5 months tiny peanut.

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Whew...nice little break

Busy week, preparing for school, and snuggling these two.  


Sorry it was quiet on the blog front.  One day left, then back to real life.  Cannot believe how fast this summer went, but as I said, I'm ready for work to resume. Lots of updates!


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Monday, August 5, 2013

I'm ready

I don't know about other working moms who have extended periods of time off, but there just comes a point when I am just ready to be around adults and away from my kids.  Now don't get me wrong, I love these two more then life itself, and I enjoy spending time with them.  However, the limited adult interaction that  comes with all that snuggle time, tends to affect me.  I need to have conversations that are a tad more intellectual than "mommy why can't I eat paper?"  (Yeah that happened about 5 minutes ago).  I need to delve into my other passion and allow myself time to feel like I am making a worldly difference. 

The mommy guilt I have is unbearable.  I know my kids would love for me to be home with them all day, everyday.  Sometimes that idea doesn't seem half bad.  So when school time comes around I always feel guilty that I am heading back to work and I am excited about it. 

So how about you?  how do you combat mommy guilt and find inner peace?

Friday, August 2, 2013

I support you!

I mustache you a question...


Does it really matter how were fed?

#Isupportyou

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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Pierced!

After a lot of thought and consideration and delving into my own experience with ear piercings, Jason and I decided it was time to take Emberlynn in and get her ears pierced.  I was nervous and had been unsure whether I wanted to do it while she was young or wait until she was older to make that decision.

As a child myself, I had my ears pierced 3 separate times as they would get infected and then I would have to take them out before they were ready.   This was due to an allergy to the metal...which is why all my jewelry has to be real gold.  Those separate piercing experiences were not great.  This is part of the reason we chose to do Emberlynn's so early.  I don't want her to remember the pain.  I can easily clean and care for her ears and we made sure to purchase 24k white gold earrings to hopefully avoid any possibly allergies. 

So off we went to our local Claire's store in the mall.  Poor girl had no clue what was about to happen and just smiled at the lady getting ready to pierce her ears as she dotted the earlobe. The Claire's associate was wonderful and calm and QUICK!


Then it happened...



Then my tiny peanut cried and whimpered for a couple minutes, then was fine.  


Her ears hardly turned red and within the hour I could turn the earrings, clean them and lay her on her side with no sign of pain.  


Once we were done we headed next door to The Disney Store and Emberlynn picked out a dolly (the Tangled princess I think) and Eyan got some Toy Story swag. 



Overall, I am very glad we did this now.  She can't pull on her ears.  I can insure they are cleaned and taken care of properly and the pain will not be remembered.  

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