Clarity 2015 |We Got the FUNK

Friday, January 2, 2015

Clarity 2015

Clarity: the quality of being expressed, remembered, understood, etc., in a very exact way (Merriam-Webster)

You know I was going to do a recap of 2014 and look back at this past year.  Then I realized that I just didn't want to go there.  2014 appears to be a great year with my amazing start being the Justin Timberlake concert and then a trip to Vegas, then Mexico, then camping and tons of growth here on the blog.

However, 2014 broke me. It was the year of failure to thrive for our tiny baby with an outlook that pointed towards cancer for a short time.  As a mom I've never been more terrified in my entire life.  I realize that she has grown, she is better but we don't really have answers and that is very scary still.  I worry about her eating habits and growth and every little cough and cold more than I ever did with Eyan.  

2014 brought the abrupt losses of two very important people in my life within a week.  My grandma went from just being a bit out of it and not feeling great, to a diagnosis of leukemia, to death in a 19 day period.  On the day of her services my brother died in a tragic car accident.  Those two events set the tone and made this year very hard to enjoy.  With passing birthdays and holidays, things were just off.  My heart has holes and confusion was just all I felt.

New Years Eve after a rough trip to the zoo lights and my plans kind of falling apart, I just sat there and thought how much I just couldn't wait to be done with all of this; being fully aware that we are never actually "done".  I thought about how God doesn't make mistakes and how loss is a part of life. I thought about my best friend, and our discussions about growing up and that this is just life now. My mom has always said as you grow up you attend more funerals than weddings and I am finding that to be completely true.  This is growing up. This is clarity.

I chose CLARITY as my word to focus on this power word.  I plan to look at the upcoming year through a lens of understanding, connecting, expressing and remembering so that I can apply those lessons to my broken spirit and truly begin to heal.  2014 sucked and I cant say that a flip of a calendar will make 2015 any better, but I know that attitude can.  It is all on me and I can do this.

I hope you have a wonderful start to the new year and that you too find your clarity!