How to Handle the word "Hate" with Love and Logic. |We Got the FUNK

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

How to Handle the word "Hate" with Love and Logic.

It is mid-April, I have been busting my butt to work, educating other peoples children, raise my own family, complete my masters program online, write this blog and keep it together.  I was pretty sure I was doing a decent job until this weekend.  This weekend proved that I am a bit in over my head...and that is ok.

It is completely ok but upsetting at the same time.  You see those adorable kids in that happy family picture.  Well the boy told me he "hated" me this weekend when I told him that marshmallows were not an acceptable snack and to put those away.  That sequence of events was followed by me telling him to pack his stuff because he was going to live with a fictional lady named "Lisa" who was offering him a closet to live in and a bowl of lima beans a day.  Whatever he brought with him was what he had for the rest of his life and I wasn't coming to visit.  He broke my mommy heart into a million pieces...I responded very calmly with some skills I have learned from love and logic.  

We are both learning this whole parent/child relationship business.  We are both trying, we are pushing buttons and we are learning what each other needs in each unique situation.  My son felt like he needed marshmallows.  I logically knew that he needed a healthier snack option.  He retaliated with a hurtful phrase which he probably doesn't quite understand because he didn't get his way.  I responded in a manner that was logical.  "I cannot help someone who hates me."

I am sure many people wonder why I responded this way?  I did it to help him understand how hurtful the word "HATE" is.  In our society it drives crime, kills people and destroys families.  It is not welcome in my house; I cannot support hate. 

Obviously "Lisa" would never come to my house and you would have to literally kill me before my kids were taken from me.  They are my everything which is why "hate" hurts.  It hurts any mommy and sends us into a spiral of wondering what we are doing wrong.  It took me some time to reflect on myself.  To realize I did nothing wrong.  I did it right.  I taught him in that moment with little emotion, just factual responses, that to hate someone or something is not acceptable.  I cooled down and was able to talk with him yesterday.  It took me a couple days and that is fine.  He should understand that word is not just a word.  It carries meaning that is powerful and can adjust how people react to you.  We talked.  He knows that mommy was sad.  I was never mad, he knew that too. 

I will say that the last couple days have been good.  He is communicating better and so am I.  We needed to reconnect, even if it took some marshmallows to realize that.  

I am definitely in over my head, but I am confident that I am doing something right.  I haven't given up and I am teaching my kids about what it is to be human.  Not all lessons will be easy, I will not always respond logically and in some cases I may not always been entirely loving, but I have a goal. I, like any other parent, want my child to be a well-respected and loved, functioning member of society that has compassion and passion and does NOT hate. 

Mean Mom Quote, How to handle the word hate.

So are you the "mean" parent; how are you dealing?