A month ago, life got real, as life always does. Nearly out of debt, finally seeing the end of the tunnel with graduate school and on the downhill slide into summer and boom life. When life really decides to slap me out of my comfort zone, I eat and I ignore life.
I love food. I find pleasure in enjoying a nice meal and at the same time I enjoy the convenience of eating out and not having to clean or prep meals. I am so busy and have this ridiculous drive to do it all and be all things to everyone and although I can feel my breaking point I choose to keep pushing on. February was a hodge podge of crap. It was the month of prepping my final research project for grad school, planning birthday parties for my kids, swimming lessons 2x a week, refinancing our home and just being purely overwhelmed and overextended. However, there was a light at the end of the tunnel...June and MEXICO.
I had also been having huge success with the low carb high fat diet and my diabetic medication combination in losing weight. However, I was not feeling energetic at all and was very much dragging through the day. The eating was not the issue. I was pretty good at staying within my low carb ways and really found foods that I enjoyed enough, plus seeing the 20lb progress was really nice and so were those compliments.
So what happened? Why did I just stop? One word...STRESS.
Some things happened with my husbands job which caused some temporary stress at a time that was just not good in our lives. I thought I was getting to a point where I could breathe and relax and just then I was reminded that you can never just relax. Combine that with the large amount of crap on my plate and all the sudden I wanted carbs and candy and because the scale was not moving in the wrong direction it was ok. Oh and plus also, my energy was higher because Starbucks and chocolate, so obviously that made it ok.
The scale has continued to stay in the same place for a month. AN ENTIRE MONTH. I was losing 1-5 lbs a week and then I decided that I loved carbs and sugar more than I loved myself and that my current weight of 161 was just fine as long as I kept taking my medication. Then I just stopped taking that as well because, in my infinite Googled wisdom, by going off diet and overloading my system with carbs I was also making the medication ineffective so in order to ensure the medication would work when I went back on plan, I needed to stop the medication. I guess at some point I got a doctorate that I never went to school for from Google.
Sometimes the diabetic in me is an idiot. A self diagnosing idiot. I am back to being a closet eater and making terrible food choices and eating as a reward. This has to change. I have to reset my system and I have to get back on track. I am not saying that starting tomorrow I will all the sudden just reset the clock, however, I am going to make it a point to eat all the Easter candy that I want this week, to feed the demon and then to get over it and start back a new over spring break next week. I am already making some better choices this week, but I am going to do it gradually.
161 is a nice number but 150 is even better and my goal is only 11 lbs away. What's more is that my health deserves more and I need to make better decisions for that reason. Someday it may not be as easy for me to get back on plan and so now is the time to create good habits and stop self-harming with food. I am a human not a dog, I cannot reward myself with food...even though I like too. Sometimes in life following our likes is detrimental and in this case it could cost me a lot more than just some tasty meals and lbs.
Diabetes sucks. It really sucks and it is a misnomer that it can be controlled with diet and exercise alone and that you will be cured. Diabetics are NEVER cured. It is a daily battle and I know that I will be on and off plan and that is ok...just not a month off plan ok. So my goal for this next month is to get back on plan, live the #LCHF life that I know works and to reward myself with good health, not food.
Thanks for your support friends <3 p="">